By Craig Mitchell (or you).
Star Wars is my best movie. Of all the films my parents have taken me to see, it is the best. Most times me and my brother wont stop “acting up” and my Dad “turns the car around” and takes us home. With Star Wars, we saw the whole thing. No acting up from either of us
Chewbacca is stronger than my Dad. He would kick his ass. One comment from my pop about “walking carpet” and –=Kabaam!!=–. Chewie would knock his ass through the floor. My dad doesn’t know that you let the Wookie win the game or he slaughters your ass. R2D2 did, but my dad does not. My pop would lose an arm for sure with Chewie around.
Star Wars is very popular. All the kids in school have seen it and we talk about it at recess. Yesterday at recess I bit Tommy Jenkins on the arm. He wasn’t expecting that. He said, “Let’s wrestle..” You know, he’s trying to be Hulk Hogan or something jumping off the ropes on me and then I bite him. That’ll teach that little turd. He didn’t know that I had the force, but I do.
There are many things that people don’t know about Star Wars. The landspeeder had wheels. But with all of the special ‘fex going on, you feel really stupid, you have no idea. This guy Michael that lives next door thought he knew about the wheels. We bet on it and he wouldn’t give me his money so I bit the little smart ass. Then he gave me the money. This is the way it works in life. It is the power of the force. The force got me my dough from that jerk Michael.
The other night I was sitting on Ben’s swingset waiting for it to be dinner-time. We were looking up in the sky for any signs of Tie fighters. Ben thought he saw some bats flying past the clouds. No way though, it was too early, those were crows. He wouldn’t believe that they weren’t bats so I bit him. The power of the force works better on the weak minded. This was the case with the little fucker who lives next door, he gave in right away. No more talk about bats from you turd.
I don’t like Grand Mouth Tarkin. He would kill everyone if he had the chance. He does not believe in the force, he kicks ass in other ways. You can tell. He would kill your family and all of your friends and your dog too if you had him over for dinner. He would knock over the table and go Darth-Vader on your asses. Then he would go looking for your rebel base. He has ways of finding out where you live.
If I went into Mos Eye-sly I would not go into the bar. There are guys there who would kick your ass. I would stay outside in the landspeeder and bullseye Womp-rats. That would be funner. Womp-rats are about 2 meters tall and they melt and roll around in agony when you pour salt on them. But unlike Sand People, they don’t travel in a straight line. This makes them harder to bullseye from a landspeeder. Landspeeders do not have wheels.
Sand People are easy targets. Obi Wan said they ride single file. He knows, because he used to bullseye Sand People when he got bored. What else are you gonna do in the middle of a desert?
Scaring Sand People is fun. You just start screaming and they run away like little kids. But then you have to haul ass because they always come back in greater numbers. This gets old after awhile so I recommend bullseying them instead.
Obi Wan was always smiling. Like the geezer knew something that you didn’t. That’s what the force is all about. The force means you are smarter than everyone else and you can sit back and think, “I am one smart motherfucker, I have the force.” You can know things that other idiots don’t and when someone tries to bother you or won’t do what you want – you just smile and you kick their ass with the force. This is the way that things work in life.