I’ve been playing around with this Wordpress App for the iPhone and it’s just so nifty. I can open it up anytime I have five minutes to spare. I can write a few sentences. A paragraph. And then save the draft to my webserver until I’m ready to publish it.

If this had been possible ten years back I could have finished ‘Futon’ from the damned toilet. Seriously. You think I’m kidding but I’m not. I know, you say ewwwwww… But you’re the same weirdos talking on your phone from the restroom. I’m sorry but that’s the very definition of disgusting. Seriously. If I’m sitting in one of the stalls I feel like it’s my responsibility — no, my mission — to let your caller know what’s being perpetrated. I make really loud hand, mouth, and armpit farts. I flush the toilet a few times. Maybe I throw in a few extended grunts for good measure.

Speaking of, “there’s an App for that.” Apple is quick to tell you that they have over 100,000 Apps for the iPhone in their store. What they don’t tell you is that 40,000 of them are Fart Apps that do nothing more than make… a large variety of farts and toots.

Gotta run. I need to watch several episodes of Beverly Hills 90210 and then I’m heading to the local 74 screen movie megaplex (they have trams to get you to your seats now) where I’m going to watch Twilight II at least three times in a row. I kid. I kid. I haven’t seen the first one yet. But what I’m NOT kidding about is another vampire thing. My friend Sara has been recommending the cable show “True Blood” for several months now. Then the other night I’m on a naughty site (hey, we all do it) and I see a screenshot of Anna Paquin naked. VERY naked. And it’s from an episode of “True Blood”!!

So I tell Sara about it at lunch today. She sighs and then matter-of-factly informs me, as if it’s the most banal and commonplace thing in the world: “Oh yeah, she’s nude in almost every episode.” Holy. Mother. Of. God. Who needs “pr0n” sites when you have a show with vampires and Anna Paquin getting naked at the drop of a hat? Now if they could just get Scarlett Johansson, Keira Knightley, and Charlize Theron on the show. The next time I drop a coin in a fountain I’m wishin’ for… a sexy vampire Christmas.